Bloomers

Peaches Geldof has been spotted in a pair along with Alexa Chung and Kate Moss and when Topshop starts selling a such tricky style in a wide selection of colours and fabrics, you know it's time you stood up and took heed. Now how to wear the less than attractively named bloomers? With confidence for one, a pair of youthful and preferably waif-like legs and lastly a moderate disregard for normal levels of modesty. If you pass all those criteria, congratulations: give yourself a slap on the back to regurgitate yet more food (preferably near a toilet). If not, join the club...you are normal.

The only way these can be 'got away with' for the normal British woman is with thick and heavy duty opaques that only M&S are capable of. But that's just not on for summer is it? So thanks Mr Dolce & Mr Gabbana, and you Mr Gautier - but if you were a woman you would understand the anatomical improbability that these micro shorts will flatter even 5% of the population and keep them in a box in the design studio marked 'haha' or 'pantomime'. Buy a maxi dress instead perhaps?